I have been contemplating on whether or not I wanted to make a post about this but with today being October finally I figured this would be the best time to do so. I'm sure that everyone has seen that this time of year every single retailer out there starts selling pink EVERYTHING. That's right its breast cancer awareness month!!! Before this past year honestly I never felt anything from it. I mean its a great cause I just never felt something from seeing that little pink ribbon on anything and everything. I have told this story before but some may have not heard it so here it goes again.
My mother sat my brother and I down on Christmas eve and let us know that back at Thanksgiving she had found a lump. Trying to be optimistic as possible we told her that everything would be fine and that it wasn't cancer. I felt something about this that wasn't right but obviously did not want to think the worst. A couple of weeks went on and I kept feeling this feeling that I wanted to hug my mom a little tighter when I left to go back to Richmond or tell her a few more times that I loved her. My mom had her appointment for a mammogram and they wanted her back for a biopsy. The nurse usually calls and informs you of your results. The day my mother was diagnosed the doctor called her personally and said she needed to see her as soon as possible. When my mother told me this I could hear the tears swelling up in her eyes as she was fighting them back.
"So what does this mean?" I asked while already knowing the answer. "I have cancer." my mother said not wanting to believe the words she was saying. From that moment on my mothers world changed completely. Days and weeks felt shorter with the unknown of what comes next.. My moms fiance sat her down that afternoon and they talked about all of this that was going on. I got a phone call just a few hours later as she said, "you need to come home Sunday." Of course at first I thought the worst and was afraid. I could hear my mom smiling as she said "we are getting married Sunday I need you there as my maid of honor." The wedding was a kept a secret from friends so that they could have a small intimate wedding. Now I have always been a person that is emotional about weddings but that was an understatement for my moms wedding. I was crying happy tears for their amazing relationship, and sad tears for the news of cancer.
Weeks went on as the news of diagnosis was still fresh in every ones mind. I remember fighting back tears constantly. I would fake being happy but if I sat down too long I would hysterically cry. My nightly routine became crying myself to sleep as Brandon held me. Knowing how bad I was the entire time just made me more upset thinking of how my mom was during this entire time. I thank God for the amazing man Kyle is for all the amazing traits he has that help balance my mother, give her structure, tough love so she wouldn't give up and just loving her. I remember walking into my moms pre-op room with his eyes filling up with tears as he broke the news that the cancer had spread. I had this heavy weight of bad news on my shoulders that I knew I had to share with the rest of our families and friends that were coming by later and constantly texting my moms phone (which I was responsible for). As my brother was on his way I waited outside for him and lost it when I saw him walking up letting him know the bad news. We held each other and embraced the love with had as siblings knowing that if something would ever happen from this we still have each other. I wish that I was closer during those times obviously because I knew sometimes we both needed a shoulder to cry on. You don't realize how much something like this could bring family together. I remember my step dad telling me "remember if anything ever happens I'm still here and this house is your house too" I fought the tears as he told me this. We had recently began clearing out my childhood home to sell and get off my moms hands,
My mother fought and she fought hard. We had heart to heart talks about how she felt through all of this and how she was coping. I remember when my brother was sick and was thought to have mono and for health precautions he couldn't be around my mom that often. I remember her telling me saying that she felt like a bad mom because she couldn't be there for her son when he was sick. There are so many things we did not share during that time. Like the fact that I would have dreams that she was gone, how I lived without her, waking up crying because she NEEDS to be there for my children one day. Or how I had thoughts that she would be sick forever and I would never see her happy again. All those fears have gone away.
We knew from the beginning of this that triple negative breast cancer would be extremely aggressive and its so true. It was aggressive and hard to fight but my mother fought so hard. She fought through chemo and radiation. Now we are hoping that the cancer does not come back. With the power of prayer she conquered it once and I'm sure if it was to ever come back she will fight again. Team Becky is forever strong. I pray for the day that my mom is 100% clear of this terrible disease and that she will never have her head bald, or another chemo treatment. But for now we just continue to pray.
This month I ask you to remember everyone that has yet to be diagnosed, for the ones that have been diagnosed, for the ones who are fighting, the ones who have fought and the families of the ones who have lost their fight.
Also be thinking of mom and I because on October 10th we are participating in a Breast Cancer 5k.
So mom this is for you. I consider you to be on the bravest, strongest, and most courageous people I know. I never thought something like this would happen to you. But I know of all the people to have something like this happen you would fight and never give up. I know at times it was hard and you were scared and probably ready to give up but I'm so thankful you didn't. I cant lose such an amazing woman like you. Your strength gives me strength, you are my biggest fan and best support system. But know that you raised me right, you raised me into the woman you are. I love you more than life itself mom and God helped you fight this so you can be an amazing mother for years to come.
xoxo
Lainey
